YYyYYYYYAaAAaAAaaAaAYYYyyyYYyy!!!!!!!!

The final dose of Bleomycin was given this past Monday. What a tryingly unpleasant week it has been. It began with a fever scare as it always does, peaking at 103.8. I was at Boh's house and he looked after me with the utmost care. Truly a friend indeed. I felt flimsy and faded in and out. To sleep felt amazing, the pain and bad feelings would leave me but I was afraid to allow myself to sleep without Boh watching my breathing and checking my temperature. I was shivering but so hot at the same time. It felt good to lay under a thick comforter, but a website Boh found advised us that laying under a thick blanket may feel good but it actually increases a fever. The night was very long but eventually my fever did start to subside and we both went to sleep. In the morning I felt much better although still had a low-grade fever.

The rest of this week has been alright. Ups and downs and ins and outs but all in all I'm just glad  I can start to recover at this point. I was denied medicaid. I'm not sure how this country can treat it's people with such disrespect and leave us to fend for ourselves in our time of need. I was denied service at the hospital for a test my doctor requested. It's absolutely outlandish to think that anyone with cancer or any life-threatening disease can be turned away because of inability to pay. It makes me so furious I could implode.

My hope is that the worst is over though and I plan to get my life back on track and live each day to the fullest of my ability. I have a lot I want to do and I've already gotten a jump on accomplishing them. Earlier in the week, despite the looming symptoms of Bleomycin, I pursued and acquired my driving permit! I did so only with the help of my best friend Boh. I'm not sure what my next goal is. One of them is to actually learn to drive and upgrade to Class E Driver's license. I also want to learn to ride a motorcycle. Start my website JitterBob.com. Exit the country in effort to prove to myself that there is in fact something better out there than craptastic America. I want to do a lot of traveling when my situation and finances allow. That includes a road trip with Boh. I want to skydive, and jetski, and at least attempt to surf. Eventually I will make a list, it'll be so long that I'll never run out of things to do. ^_^

I feel confident at this point that I will have long healthy life so long as I take extra good care of my body. I'll need catscans and probably labwork every 3 to 6 months. I'm sure I'll always have that daunting fear in the back of my mind haunting me. The fear that cancer could strike again, or that it already has and it isn't being detected. The fear that my health will deteriorate earlier than expected. I can't let those things control my life though. Whatever will be will be, it's just a great reason to live life to it's fullest and never let a day pass you by or take it for granted. With the friends and family I have I am whole lot less worried. A big thank you to those who helped me again, I certainly cannot thank them enough.

Bleomycin is bad

The last long week of chemo has come and passed. I was lazy with blogging but you didn't miss much. I saw a movie with Boh that week, got poked and prodded on the daily, felt like a toxic old man all week and that was pretty much that. This past Monday I had a short day of chemo. Although it's shorter and only one day rather than all week, Bleomycin injections are the worst of them all. It's Wednesday and I still have a sore throat. The day I get injected with Bleomycin always starts with almost no effect. As the day trickles by I get hot and groggy as the soreness in my throat goes sore and the fever starts to creep up on me and no matter how much water I drink it always wins. By the end of the day I don't want to do anything but lay in a fetal position on my bed without moving at all. I have to constantly guzzle bottle after bottle of water to keep my fever low-grade. After so many trips to Osler and one long trip to the hospital it's become obvious that there is no infection causing any of the side effects. That didn't stop them from pumping me full of so many antibiotics that I can't remember how many. It's absolutely disgusting. I get one more dose of the horrible toxin this Monday and I'm DONE. I honestly don't know if I would be up for more if my health situation called for it. Luckily it doesn't, so for now I'm not even going to address the hypothetical situation.

This week I went to lunch with Cliff and his newly married brother and sister-in-law. I hate to complain but my burger tasted like fish and I barely squirmed through my discomfort as the side effects of Bleomycin were rearing their ugly heads at me. Cliff's brother and sister are very nice and seemed pretty happy together. I couldn't accompany them for the evening adventures around town or to the allegedly delicious fancy breakfast in the morning. I was pretty peeved to miss out but there will be more time for fun when I'm recovered and well.

This morning I woke up feeling a bit better, the fever seems to have receded but my throat is still sore. Cliff is going to Orlando for another management training function and I'm going to Boh's house for the night. We have some adventures planned followed by pumpkin carving back at my house the next night. I'm looking forward to it so these side effects better stay out of my way. You can't keep a Mat down for long.

My Last 3 Weeks of Chemo the Rapey.

A 103 degree fever and few dozen pokes later, I started my 3rd and final cycle of chemotherapy today. It went fairly well. No adverse side effects yet, my energy is okay, and IV was placed and set on the first try. Boh stayed with me for just a couple of hours, but he had to go to work at 2. Tomorrow Boh has to go to a doctor appointment in Miami for his eyeball. His poor retina has issues. I feel bad, my vision is no good but I have never had to have a needle in my eye for my vision problems. That's the last place I ever want a needle. That means no Boh or anyone at chemo, I'll be all alone but that's okay.

I did have a fever a few nights ago and I ended up being instructed by my oncologist to go to the Hospital for direct admission. Boh drove me, and stayed the entire time with me. It ended up being a 3 day venture. We drove to the wrong Hospital first, but it was okay because when we got to the correct location, it left much to be desired for the previous. It was a much more comfortable place to be. What made it most comfortable though, was have my best friend with me. What other friend or person at all would have endured the entire 3 days of hospital boredom with me? Who would want to? Would you? i wouldn't want to spend it with me, so if you said yes you're probably lying. Anyway... =) It was almost fun. We played video games and did friend stuff. We made it interesting but we were both very ready to do by discharge time.

I'm so glad to have this chemo business coming to an end. There is no guarantee my problems won't return, and I still have a mess of others to deal with, but this particular detour has been greatly disabling. If i had to be on chemo for a long time, I couldn't go to school or get much accomplished. Luckily youth is on my side and I don't feel like giving up yet. going through this has only made me see life more positively because i appreciate it more now than before. The delicate state of being alive could be fully realized especially when my fevers jumped to high temperatures. It literally feels like death is on your horizon when you are sick enough. It's a good lesson to learn so long as you don't actually die afterwords. <(^_^)> It's not practical to never  take anything for grated, there is too much to appreciate in life to be aware of it all, all the time, always acknowledging it and being thankful for it. However I have made some real progress at attaining a constant general appreciate for life. It's a good state of mind to have. Scoffing at life or saying things like "I hate my life" or manifests for pain for you, and that sort of pain is the worst kind in my opinion.

Anyway, enough ramblings. I'm going to do something constructive like reassemble my hairbrush collection in order based on bristle density, or  manicure my cuticles.



I'm not actually going to do either of those things... ever. :)